Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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