I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize