I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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