we have pet lesbian snakes
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
