omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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