pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
