God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
