my phone needs a breathalizer
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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