This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize