I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
third nipple confirmed
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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