PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
