i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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