if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
