why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
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