I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
