Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize