I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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