i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
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