what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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