Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
