The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize