i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
