Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I love having hate sex.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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