When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Randomize
