So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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