We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
