i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
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