This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
