He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
