So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
