Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
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