Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
