I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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