I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
