Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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