remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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