Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
