im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
