I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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