i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize