Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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