I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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