I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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