I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
we have pet lesbian snakes
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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