Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
