Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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