drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
