the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I love having hate sex.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
