I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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