I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
