She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
