Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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