I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
