the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
