i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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