my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
