After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
