Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'm jealous of your bromance
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
What drink are we having for lunch?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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