I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
