i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
