Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
