Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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