I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
