? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
