babies were throwing up all over the place
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
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