It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
