Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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